Moving On!

Once again I have reorganised my priorities, sorted myself out and moving forward along this road.
Fellow travellers I am getting my act in gear and going for it.
I have astounded myself in how I have changed in my reactions to things. I am calmer, happier and much more content, not just with where I am in lfe, but where I am going.
I have started this new round of 12WBT with eyes wide open and doing it my way.
I prepared all of my meals for the week and have printed my menu so I know what I am eating. It's funny but one of the women who vehemently disagreed with an earlier post asked me why I did this plan. I now know why, I'm fundamentaly lazy .... If someone plans out my weekly menu and gives me a shopping list then that works for me. I can blindly follow that path without having to think too much. So I am happy to give my money to this end...but not my story ....
I have once again made myself accountable to all of my friends via my personal facebook.( I don't tend to add randoms, just those near and dear) This keeps me accountable ...I have set my goal for the round 20kgs and thats close to goal weight. I intend to walk everyday and eat to plan..Will I always eat the exact calories.. I'm sure I won't.... but as long as most days I am on the plan and occassionally fall off then what does it matter. I intend to take what I am learning about myself and make it an intrinsic part of everyday.

Diet, Dilemmas and Decisions!!

As you are aware fellow travellers I ventured down south, braved the Melbourne weather and attended the 12WBT workout and finale.


 My weekend began with an early wakeup call and a 2 hour drive (avoiding the myriad of Roos and assorted Australian wildlife) to get to the marina in Airlie to catch the ferry. Arrived at said marina busting for a pee only to find the toilets out of action (was this a premonition of foreboding for the trip?)
Grabbed a coffee and hopped on the ferry to Hamilton Island Airport ( a glorious one hour smooth trip) When I arrived at the airport I found it hard to believe that I really live in such a magnificent part of the world. It is the most amazing place. After a short wait I was on a plane Melbourne bound.

Arriving at Melbourne airport 2 things hit me.. the cold and the Guess shop. Saw the most gorgeous pair of shoes with matching handbag but managed to rein in the urge to acquire them.

Ran out to the baggage pick up, grabbed my luggage and a cup of Gloria Jean's whilst waiting for a friend to arrive. It was at this point I realised just how tech savvy I really am.. I had put my phone onto flight mode (bloody Candy Crush) and was having an issue locating the correct format to change it back. A number of people took great delight in trying to tell me but I was determined to work it out for myself. 20 minutes and much gnashing of teeth and many expletives later the job was done. At which point I rang hubby who told me I should have bought not only the Guess shoes but the matching handbag. ..."I'll get them on the way home" I thought

Called said friend and realised that she was landing at another terminal the arse end of the airport (that's what you get for flying cheap)

We met up and jumped in a cab...since when did all the cab drivers become Indian?... this one also found it difficult to drive (as did most of the cabbies we encountered that weekend) We arrived at our hotel and pretty much started where we meant to end... said friend had brought a couple of boxes of Thornton's chocolates with her (you need to be English to understand the immense joy that brought)

We had one each (how well trained are we?) and headed out on the town. We stopped at a jolly little bar and ordered our first cocktail, of what was to be a long line of cocktails, of the night.

We then spent the rest of the night in TGI Fridays, forgetting the lessons that we had learned the previous 12 weeks... carbs, alcohol, fat, sugar all featured in our menu for that night. Walked back to the hotel..we both looked at each other and decided we needed to barf..so began a long night.

In the morning we grabbed breakie and headed to the 12wbt workout, another perilous cab ride away.

We got to the venue to find hundreds of suitably attired Michelle junkies and queued in the freezing cold for practically everything that was on offer. I was unable to do the workout because of previous surgery,,,so did my dexa scan and we headed out to shop.

That evening after getting our glad rags on we headed to the finale cocktail party. Again more MB junkies who were chomping at the bit to get their taste of Michelle. The cocktails turned out to be beer, wine or cheap sparkling.... the food was abundant and flocks gathered.

MB arrived and people hung on her every word for 10 minutes. Then spent most of the rest of the night trying to get a piece of MB... Not my thing so off back to the hotel I went.

When I came back home I blogged about this 12 WBT phenomenon and my thoughts and impressions of what I saw. This did not go down very well with the fb group and many many private hate messages (and a few in support )later, the link to the blog was removed by the admins..who had also been very uncomplimentary about my post. This I expected, but the thing that I did not expect was that people who I thought would support me remained extremely quiet, alarmingly so despite the fact that they had previously agreed with most of what I had said and actively encouraged me to put this to cyberworld. These people who I would have heard from a few times a day every day have stepped away, no comments on facebook, no messages, no calls... It seems that these people may also value the "game" and feel that to bring upon them the wrath of the admins is to forfeit their chance in this 12WBT merry go round. This makes me sad... not for me but sad that people do not feel able to voice anything that goes against the consensus. No matter how far people come they still want approval from the majority, they still want to be amongst the in-crowd... Striving for acceptance..

Fellow travellers I wish to end with a couple of quotes :

"He who stands for nothing falls for everything"

"When you please others in the hope of being accepted you lose yourself" Dave Pelzer

 

Now't so Queer as Folk

There is a saying in good ole blighty that goes something like "There's now't so queer as folk"for those of you who have no idea what that means (don't worry it's a Northern saying,most people don't) it means that there is nothing stranger than people. Boy! did I find that 0ut this week.
It started with a visit to Melbourne and ended with a facebook debate. Never one to shirk from controversy I posted my feelings about 12WBT on my blog, I didn't expect too much from it ( my blog averages 60 - 100 views pre post)  Fellow travellers how wrong was I ... nothing much eventuated from the blog until someone posted a comment to my link.. then all hell broke loose ...  hours later and 60+ comments to the link, 8 comments on the blog, numerous personal messages ( both of support and declaring me the next spawn of satan) The admins of the fb group (not fans of my blog post) removed the post.

So fellow travellers I have been sitting here pondering my navel and asking the question, Why did my post elicit such a response?
As always ( being the brilliant person I am) I came up with my own answer..
There's Nowt so Queer as Folk...
As travellers we arrived on this road with scars and baggage. The life lessons we have endured that led us to this point have not always been positive ones and more often than not we comforted our pain and insecurities with food... The very thing that got us here in the first place is the very reason that my blog post fuelled such an intense reaction.
We look at things, we watch things, we hear things and
WE TAKE IT PERSONALLY!!!
No remark for us can ever be a throwaway remark, no comment without scrutiny, no look without analysis. Our experiences have taught us to be wary, we expect negative comments about ourselves, because that is what we are used to, that is what life has taught us. That my fellow travellers is how we live. Waiting for the next attack on us.
This road is also about acceptance, both of ourselves and others. Accepting that we are worthy of praise, we are worthy of our own opinions (no matter how far outside the accepted parameters they are) We are worthy of being happy.

This has been a fractured post fellow travellers but I think what I am trying to say is that sometimes we can spend our life worrying about whether a remark or a look is aimed at us when what we should be doing is looking forward. My last words have to be the following quote from Edmund Lee which I have attached to my 12wbt profile;


"Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and the thinkers, but most of all surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don't see it yourself"

Making Friends and Influencing People!!!

This is a blog post I have been pondering on long and hard fellow travellers as I believe that it may herald the end of a friendship with some of my fellow 12WBT 30+ group.

I attended the finale of Round 1 2013 this weekend despite my misgivings and have come away from the experience with a more cynical viewpoint of the whole Michelle Bridges 12 WBT merry-go-round.

Before you close the page in disgust let me clarify a few things. I have done 3 rounds of the program ( last round I gained... my fault) and including preseason I have lost over 30 kilos. I have paid my hard earned cash to participate in this and have gone into it with my eyes wide open. I think that the meal plans (on the whole) are well laid out and incredibly tasty and varied ( this is probably due more to an extremely talented group of nutritionist rather than any one person)

I have never kept to the exercise plan so have no comment to make on that.

I have never read a Michelle Bridges 12WBT email (these are set to go directly to Junk)

I have never watched a "mindset video"( I find Michelle's voice and demeanour extremely patronising and irritating)

Therefore the only part of the program that I have found has any significance for me is the food plan. Why do the program then? I hear you roar.

I've thought about that and two reasons spring to mind;

1: I knew I needed to make a change in my life diet and exercise wise.

2: It was there.

Is it any better than any other program that most PTs could devise? Probably not.

So why do I think that this plan is growing in popularity?

After attending the finale this weekend I saw an extreme amount of sycophants and some incredibly clever marketing of what I consider has become nothing more than a game.

All of the hard work and dedication is overlooked in the quest to find the most marketable story at the lowest cost. Yes, it is still about weight loss... there's no sugar coating it, this is a weight loss program... Attending the finale I also saw that this program is also about very strategic game playing. It's about how popular you can become, how many followers you can achieve with your blog. How active you are on the facebook pages. I saw adult women standing in awe of Michelle Bridges, hanging on her every word. Followers of a very well oiled marketing phenomenon rather than a genuine person with charisma and personality.. ( only my opinion ladies )

My husband had always joked about the 12WBT cult ... after witnessing and listening to some of the shenanigans on Saturday I don't wholly disagree with him.

The one thing that I found helped me enormously was the 30+ 12WBT facebook page. When I first joined 3 long rounds ago I found these ladies to be welcoming, supportive and above all generous in spirit. I have seen this page change as the program has changed.. Those supportive and caring women are still there but I have seen some people turn the page into a negative whining forum about how shit their lives are and how other people have let them down or been responsible for their bad day/week/year/life ..... WE ALL HAVE A STORY.... MOST OF US HAVE STRUGGLED

GET OVER IT!!

I have also been disgusted at how there are people on the page who are prepared to lay out their financial struggles to the group in order to gain .. either in the form of sponsorship of rounds or workout gear or runners... DESPICABLE ... Most of the group are genuine, caring and kind hearted and for the very odd (I use that word advisedly) person to take advantage makes my blood boil.

So what am I going to do for next round????

I have joined Round 2 and I will be undertaking the food program and I will be exercising hard. I do intend to lose 20 - 25 kgs as this will take me to goal weight. I intend to hang around the forum (if they will have me now) and I intend to kick the arse out of this round. I will not be submitting my pictures or sharing my story with 12WBT ( I refuse to become their property) I will weigh myself every week and submit it. I will do my stats. I will continue blogging (it helps me gather my thoughts)

I WILL NOT PLAY THE GAME

My final 12WBT question is: Where was the quiet achiever?

Here I Go Again !!!!

Welcome fellow travellers new and previous,this will be my fourth and last round.
I have had ups and downs, highs and lows, losses and gains.
This round sees me at week 11 and having gained 1kg.... OMG!!! I hear everyone gasp....
"How did she manage to do that? Does this program work? What has she been doing?"
In answer to those questions:
 I managed that by having a hysterectomy in week 4 of this round and not being able to exercise, not sticking to the plan totally and being a lil bit lazy.
I have lost over 30kgs in the 3 rounds I have done (including pre season ) Just not this round, so the program can work. I have managed to gain SOOOOOO much this round in terms of my mind set and my self worth... these gains have been wonderful and well worth the extra 1kg.
I am doing this final round because I still have a way to go with my food choices and I know that I can stick to the program and make it work. I'm not in it for any recognition (in fact I won't be submitting my pics this round) I am in it to become the best version of me that I can possibly be. I am in it because I need the structure right now to achieve that. I am in it because my family deserve to have me in their lives for many years to come. I am in it because I deserve to be in their lives and live those years .. Happy and Healthy ... I am in it because it has worked for me. I don't watch the mind set videos and enter into all of the banter (that's not me) But if people ask how I have managed to make positive changes in my life I tell them how and what 12 WBT has done for me.
So fellow travellers I am in this round to kick its arse and finish this cycle of my travels. See you there !!!

The Round That Wasn't

It's been a while since my last blog fellow travellers and for that I apologise. I have been recovering from surgery as you know and have had time to reflect extensively on "The round that wasn't"

I started Round 1 2013 with high expectations and all guns blazing. I intended to be on the top 20 podium come May 4th and no one was going to stop me.

My first week saw me lose 2kgs and should have spurred me on to victory ... YOU THINK? ...

Na ah!! Nothing of the sort, I found out that my surgery was booked for the end of March and it was like a button had been switched off in my head.

Week 2 saw a gain of 3kgs, but that didn't faze me ... I knew it was a blip and that's how I viewed this week. Week 3 saw a loss of 2kgs and, although I didn't realise it at the time, this was to be the last time the scales moved in any direction. My op came and went and was successful, the weeks have gone by (4 weeks now) and still I have not recommitted myself to the programme.

I am finding it difficult not to exercise, which means that I have now committed to including this in my life. I am finding it difficult to stick to the eating plan (which means I still have a way to go with food) I have not found it difficult to stick to 1200 calories ( my portion sizes and self control are better)

I have signed up for round 2 and this will be my final round. I expect to leave that round having reached goal weight, or very near to, and being able to eat in a far more healthy way.

For me Round 1 has not been a total waste of time, psychologically I am much more able to control food rather than have it control me. I am definitely happier in myself and learning not to bother with people who really don't feature in my life. I am learning to enjoy food, rather than use it as a crutch. I have acquired a new and already dear friend and I am learning not to be defined by numbers. My HRM has been dormant for the past 6 weeks and my fitbit and scales are used sporadically. I walk with my head held high and a smile on my face. I relish every day and I laugh so much more.
There is still work to do but in the words of my role model I'm "not bröken just bent" I can fix me, I just needed to realise it.

Round 1 has seen me gain 1kg, lose a uterus and find ME!!!

Consumed.

It has been a while since my last post fellow travellers, so I begin with an apology.
Since my last post there have been many changes in my life. I have undergone a hysterectomy and am trying to rest and heal, those who know me will understand that I am not good at being, I am much better at doing. Prior to my surgery, I once again looked inwards to try to unravel the inner workings of my issues with food and weight. I realised, pre surgery, that this isn't a sprint to the finish line, this is a constant road that will be traversed for the rest of my life. Things that I do now will never be quick fixes, because once I reach my goal weight there will be other issues that need to be faced.
What I realised, fellow travellers, was that I had become consumed with the need to lose weight... my daily mantra was "exercise much and eat little". All of the other things in my life were starting to take second place. This is the wrong way for me. Yes, I need to lose weight. Yes, I need to exercise. But not to the detriment of other things, not at the cost of all else.
It's then that I decided I wasn't going to worry about my weight loss for this round (my surgery in week 7 would mean that the last 6 weeks would be difficult anyway) What I was going to worry about was getting healthy, physically and emotionally, if a side benefit of this was weight loss then even better.

I realised that I had spent a great deal of time beating up on myself for not losing one week or (heaven forbid) actally gaining. All of this too, is self destructive. I am good at that, switching reasons to beat up on myself, many people are. This round has taught me that if I can't be kind and forgiving of myself, then how can any one else? If I can accept these same traits in others, then why not accept them as a part of me? If I don't see these issues as weaknesses in others, then why do I feel weak?
This round fellow travellers I have allowed myself to just BE!

Be kind to myself!
Be responsible for my actions!
Be reasonable in my expectations!
Be understanding of my flaws!
Be realistic about my goals!
Be Patient!
Be happy!!!